So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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