Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
