hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
