He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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