apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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