I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
