so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
