Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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