what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
