My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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