...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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