No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
