Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
