you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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