So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
