There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
