I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
