you guys were way drunker than both of me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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