I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
