My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
