the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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