I'm pants shitting drunk right now
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
