Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Where is the hickey?
Michael Bay diarrhea
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
your like the ambassador to my penis.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Randomize
