We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
