four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Alive.
So much puke
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
