The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
