I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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