guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He kissed a someone with a penis
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize