i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
