fuck your aforementioned shoe
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
