Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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