Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
