i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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