New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
40s are totally the cure
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
