i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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