Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
