i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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