Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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