She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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