fuck your aforementioned shoe
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
