It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
