If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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