Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i think i just lost a toe
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
