I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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