I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Acid is not a monday night drug
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
