Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
