You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
