elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think I have vodka in my lungs
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
