need another drink. this is the easiest way
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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