First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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