I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
