o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
