So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
