Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
