My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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