Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I have post one night stand depression
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
