i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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