i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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