office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
