can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
