found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
