YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
