so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
