They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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