You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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