i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
