You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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