I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
being pregnant is like rehab
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
