Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
