Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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