you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
