Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
