You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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