Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
