Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
