what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
