We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
