she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize